算命先生

命运
生死、贫富、顺境、逆境
命运
编排的舞台剧

未来
算命、看相、求签问卜

天
路的一端
算命的先生
要算命的先生

算命的先生
唔
唔
唔

要算命的先生
嗯
嗯
嗯

要算命
要算命

不好
不好

算什么
算什么

怎么算
算

怎么算
手

手
手

掌心
心

哦
哦
哦

算了
算了

哪里
这

哪里
手

哪里
心

命运
这里

命运
手里

算命
算命

算命先生
算命

东方在哪里

东方
东方在哪里
妈妈说
当你面北的时候
东方在你的右手边

北
北是什么
奶奶说
北方很冷
你要多穿些衣服

南方
要去热带的地方
我们家的南方
南方在南方
奶奶


面前
右手边是东方
背后
左手边是东方
家

不可思议
在东方
在西方
你升起的地方
太阳

光
那一道光

方向

Why are girls afraid of the letter C ?

1.Why are girls afraid of the letter C ?
1.Because it makes fat fact!

2.Why is the letter E so important?
2.Because it’s the beginning of everything!

3.Why are the letter G and letter S in "gloves" close to each other?
3.Because there is love between them!

4.What letter is an animal ?
4. It’s the letter B!

5.What letter is a question?
5. It’s the letter Y!
6.Why is U the jolliest letter?
6. Because it’s in the midst of fun!

7.How do you feel today?
7. With my hands ,of course!

8.How can you make a rope shorter without cutting or winding it?
8. Take a longer rope and compare with it!

9.Why do people wish for something they haven’t got?
9. What else is there to wish for? You cease to wish for it once you get it!

10.What can you tell from Peter’s record card with extremely poor grades?
10. He didn’t cheat!

11.What does everybody do at the same time?
11. Grow old!

12.What resembles half a pie?
12. The other half!

13.Who works only one day in a year but never gets fired?
13. Santa Claus

14.When do people have two mouth?
14. When there’s two of them!

15.Why do lions eat raw meat?
15. They don’t know how to cook!

16.How many sides does a circle have?
16. Two. The inside and the outside!

17.What animal can jump as high as a tree?
17. All animals,for trees can’t jump!

18.How can you be completely sleepless for seven days and still lack no rest?
18. Sleep at night!

19.Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
19. At the bottom!

20.If you throw a stone into the Red Sea,what will it become?
20. Wet!

21.If two’s company and three’s crowd,what’s four and five?
21. Nine!

22.The farmers in this village used modern methods but harvested no apples this year ,why?
22. They planted peach trees!

23.The injured dog had some difficulty going home.Every step he took, he slipped back two.However,he still managed to get home. How did he do it?If you throw a stone into the Red Sea,what will it become?
23. He walked in the other direction!

24.What falls often but never gets hurt?
24. Snowflakes!

25.How did the pick-pocket spot the plain-clothes cop in his woman’s disguise?
25.He passed by a cosmetics store without looking in the window!

26.Which month has 28 days?
26. Every month has at least 28 days!

27.What is it that everyone wants to have and get rid of too?
27. One’s appetite!

28.where did the egg floating down the Mississippi River come from?
28.From a hen!

29.Lucky Mouse fell off a 1000-step stair and was not hurt.why?
29. He fell off the last step!

30.Why do giraffes have long neck?
30. Because their heads are far from their bodies!

31.How can you make 6 out of three 7’s?
31.easy . 7- 7/7=6!

32.How can you make 6 out of three 5’s?
32. easy. 5+5/5=6!

33.how can you make 1000 out of eight 8’s?
33. easy. 8+8+8+8+88+888=1000!

34.Can you name the capital of every state in the U.S. in ten seconds?
34.Washinton,D.C.!

35.A police officer had a brother ,but the brother had no brother.How could that be?
35. The police officer was a lady!

36.Why does a cat look first to one side and then to the other side when it enters a room?
36.Because it can’t see both sides at once.

37.How do you know policemen are strong ?
37.Because they can hold up traffic with just one hand!

38.With which hand do you write?
38. Neither.I use a pen!

39.What must you do before you return a book to the library?
39.Borrow the book from library.

Funny Five:The elephant did it

A man was travelling abroad in a small red car. One day he left the car and went shopping. When he came back, its roof was badly damaged. Some boys told him that an elephant had damaged it. The man did not believe them, but they took him to a circus which was near there. The owner of the elephant said, 'I am very sorry! My elephant has a big, round, red chair. He thought that your car was his chair, and he sat on it!' Then he gave the man a letter, in which he said that he was sorry and that he would pay for all the damage.
When the man got back to his own country, the customs officers would not believe his story. They said, 'You sold your new car while you were abroad and bought this old one!'
It was only when the man showed them the letter from the circus man that they believed him.

That man knows the future

Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden. While he was sawing, another man passed in the street. He stopped and said, 'Excuse me, but if you continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it.' He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree.
Nasreddin said nothing. He thought, 'This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.'
The man continued on his way.
Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with it.
'My God!' he cried. 'That man knows the future!' and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live. But the man had gone.

Johnny is busy now

It was half-past eight in the morning. The telephone rang and Mary went to answer it. 'Hullo, who's that:' she asked.
'It's me--Peter.'
Peter was a friend of Mary's eight-year-old brother, Johnny.
'Oh, hullo, Peter. What do you want?' said Mary.
'Can I speak to Johnny?'
'No,' said Mary, 'you can't speak to him now. He is busy. He is getting ready for school. He is eating his breakfast. Grandmother is combing his hair. Sister is under the table, putting his shoes on. Mother is getting his books and putting them in his school bag. Goodbye, I've got to go now. I have to hold the door open. The school bus is coming.'

My servant will clean it

Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi and talking about the high cost of going anywhere by taxi.
One of the ladies said, 'Taxis are terribly expensive these days. The owners get a lot of money for nothing.'
'Yes,' said the other lady, 'and the drivers get such big tips that they soon become rich. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.'
One of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a minute or two she said to the other lady, 'Can you see an ashtray in this taxi? There isn't one on my side.'
'No,' said the other, 'there isn't one on this side either. Driver! Where is the ashtray in this taxi? Why haven't you got one?'
The driver, who had heard everything the ladies had said, answered, 'Oh, just drop the ashes on the carpet--I have a servant who comes in and cleans three days in the week!

why do you never phone me?

Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went ant lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mother's village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, "There isn't any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week."
Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?"
Geoff laughed. "But, Mother", he said, "you haven't got a phone."
"No," she answered, "I haven't, but YOU'VE got one!"

Eight Do’s and Eight Don’ts

Love, do not harm the motherland.
Serve, don't disserve the people.
Uphold science; don't be ignorant and unenlightened.
Work hard; don't be lazy and hate work.
Be united and help each other; don't gain benefits at the expense of others.
Be honest and trustworthy, not profit-mongering at the expense of your values.
Be disciplined and law-abiding instead of chaotic and lawless.
Know plain living and hard struggle; do not wallow in luxuries and pleasures.

Who is more courageous?

Two armies were once locked in battle. The stronger force soon won. The defeated soldiers abandoned their armor and fled for their lives.

A certain soldier ran fifty paces before his was out of breath. Another ran a hundred paces before he stopped, panting.

The soldier who ran fifty paces jeered at the fellow who ran a hundred paces, "You must be a real coward to have run so fast!"

Sea-Fever

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.

i love you

i love you!

just because i love you!